There’s a rampant disease growing uncontrollably on this campus. It can only be cured with the help of the carriers. It seems to be very contagious, but you can guard yourself against its effects by staying away from the more careless aspects of the campus community. They’re usually found looming in the streets, carting around beer bottles or plastic cups. Not all of the bottle carriers are to be confused with the carriers of this atrocious disease, but you must stay away if you want to avoid being thought the fool by people like me. I’m sure the disease carriers couldn’t care any less what I think of them. Apathy is part of the syndrome. This disease is called apathicus burnupthecampusis. It’s a very destructive ailment. First it strikes the innards of our shared public property. It burns down houses. It did on Woodruff when a couch placed between two houses was magically set on fire. Who’s to blame: a mysterious force of nature or one of the disease carriers? Mystery is another element of this disease. It leaves me astonished as well. Why any one would burn anything in their own neighborhood when they could face court, fines and jail time is beyond me. Why anyone can get pleasure out of uprooting plants and throwing pieces of recently placed cement from a walkway on my street not only astonishes me, but infuriates me. I watched the diligent, respectful members of my community as they worked to make my corner of the neighborhood look nice. The disease carriers who may or may not live in my neighborhood may as well have pissed on it if they haven’t already. That’s another activity that seems to be popular with these disease carriers lately, public urination. How civilized can you get? Not much more than that it seems. When will the people of this community wake up and address these disease carriers before its too late? Apathy spreads like the smoke that crept into my living room and choked my lungs on Saturday night. I was innocently trying to watch Saturday Night Live. Even if it wasn’t actually live that night, the experience was ruined for me. One minute voices as young as mine were screaming into the night words that sounded like “Go Bucks.” Unfortunately, the actions I saw following the utterance of these words forced me to reconsider what those words may have actually been. With the slurred speech that follows the acquisition of this disease, its hard to tell the difference between Go Bucks and Screw this Town. How can anyone claim to have pride in their school as they tear apart its hard earned reputation? Ohio State should be a school anyone would be proud to be a graduate of, but what kind of parent would you be if you agreed to let your child attend a school where its own newspaper glorifies mayhem ensuing on its campus by detailing the party of the week while it also condemns Campus Partners, a coalition as ruthless as the disease carriers. At least they don’t set fire to the buildings they wanted to buy after they were refused. Would you want to buy a house in a neighborhood like the ones inhabited by the disease carriers in the next few years, after your graduation, or do you care more about property values and safety. What’s more important to you- living in a society free of anarchy and destruction or in a society plagued by apathy where no one has regard for your own space or peace of mind. Is that not sacred to you anymore? Do you want to worry about your tires being popped by broken glass bottles or the underbody of your car being totally chucked by cement bricks in the streets or do you want to worry about there being enough rain to help the plants grow that you just put in the ground a few yards away, down the street. All most people want is to keep this place nice, but that’s not enough for the disease carriers. They want Bedlam instead.
Valerie Howland is a senior English and psychology major from Conneaut, Ohio.