Home » Opinion » Columbus: ‘The land of 10,000 traffic cones’

Columbus: ‘The land of 10,000 traffic cones’

Tyler Joswick / Asst. photo editor

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Columbus apparently lacks an identity. So a group of local marketing firms has been put in charge of creating an image or message that captures the spirit of the city.

While it would not solve everything, a snappy slogan would go a long way toward putting a face on the state capital. A lot of cities have slogans and, in fact, Columbus is the only major city in Ohio without one.

Cincinnati: “Don’t eat the chili.”

Cleveland: “The weather sucks, but the Cavs are worse.”

Toledo: “We’re in Ohio, too.”

Dayton: “Just call us Cincinnati.”

Although this task is being taken on by a group of area marketing companies, certainly anyone could contribute ideas. The possibilities are endless and can be tailored to certain aspects of the city.

For example, Columbus is a great sports town, a fact that should be embraced.

“The land of scarlet jerseys and gray skies.”

“We talk football till we’re red in the face. Drinking also contributes.”

“Columbus: Better than Ann Arbor.”

“Hockey since 2000. Winning hockey … maybe someday.”

Of course, one cannot envision Columbus without thinking of the weather.

“Come to Columbus, where the weather is icy and humid.”

“Weather-related depression — it’s a real thing.”

Perhaps the slogan could be more political.

“Lots of students — but do not panic. Most don’t vote.”

“Columbus: Why pay taxes anywhere else?”

“The South is red, and the North is blue. But politics in Columbus has a purplish hue.”

“Our murder rate really isn’t all that bad.”

Naturally, we will be left with some random slogans that might pertain specifically to Columbus.

“If you like our skyline, then you’ll love everything else.”

“Columbus: A great place to raise a family. Especially if you’re a bed bug.”

“Columbus: Bow ties and sweater vests welcome!”

“The land of 10,000 traffic cones.”

“Navigating Columbus? There’s a map for that.”

But I’m sure the marketers would prefer a motto that is more inspirational, especially one with a catchy rhythm.

“Finding good times is never a chore when your home phone starts with 614.”

“The beat of America’s heartland.”

“The best town I know is Columbus, Ohio.”

“The dandy of the Olentangy.”

“Ohio’s golden fiddle is smack dab in the middle.”

“Guaranteed fun just off I-71.”

Of course, this barely scratches the surface of possible slogans. It would probably be important to craft a message that would attract businesses to the area.

“Come to our capital and raise some capital.”

Along the same line, we might want to ride the wave of anti-Washington, D.C., sentiment.

“All capital, no hill.”

It is a little surprising that Columbus does not have any kind of title or catch phrase. I am not from the area, nor am I even from a big city. I was hatched in rural Seneca County, between the villages of Attica and Republic, whose combined population probably does not surpass 1,800.

Yet, even Republic has a slogan: “Small in size, big in heart.”

It’s pretty good, but I’m not sure it would work for Columbus.

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