I like ducks.
I really do. They’re cute, they quack and they’re fun to chase at the park. But, I don’t want to look like one.
Apparently, many other females do.
You might not know it by name, but you know what I’m talking about. It’s the quintessential Facebook pose.
This popular pursed lip facial expression has plastered social media profile albums. And now, it officially has a name.
The duck face.
The duck face is often accompanied by a veteran tan, teased hair, seven layers of mascara and a freshly applied thick coat of the shiniest lip gloss Wal-Mart can offer.
And of course, my favorite part: the hand gesture.
It looks like “scissors” from a rock, paper, scissors game.
Ducks and scissors go together like peas and carrots.
It’s not difficult to duck hunt online. The other night, a friend and I had a friendly competition on who could find the best duck face.
And by best, I mean worst.
There were many runner-ups. Some of my favorites include the duck face overachievers. These young ladies have taken their smooch so far, their teeth are showing between the under sides of their lips.
This expression looks more like horse face. But you’ve got to give them credit for going the extra step.
My friend definitely won. She discovered some pictures that were allegedly hacked from Miley Cyrus’ iPhone.
It seems that Miss Cyrus has perfected duck face. Still, she must have had to take a couple practice shots because there are quite a few.
Honorable mentions can be awarded in this game by receiving bonus points. One can be awarded bonus points by finding pictures with some of the following characteristics:
1. The photo was taken in a bathroom. This is especially valuable if there is a toilet, sink or towel rack in the background.
2. Multiples: the more people doing the duck face in the picture, the more points. You’ve got to love a flock of ducks.
3. The subject is wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt that has been pulled up to expose her belly and hips. I’m sure this was by accident.
4. It is obvious the picture is a self-portrait. This can be tested by looking for the edge of an arm on the side of the photo.
Now ladies, I understand this pose makes your cheek bones look insane. And yeah, it does take a few pounds off of your face, so I understand if a few make it on your account.
But when an entire album consists of the duck face, complete with bonus point characteristics, it’s time to find a new look.
Here’s one: I know it’s crazy, but just work with me, Smile.
There’s nothing wrong with some old-fashioned happiness in your pictures. And if you smile in your bathroom pictures, with your stomach exposed, I can even accept that.
Still feeling self-conscious? Invest in an LBD (aka little black dress). That’s what the rest of us have been doing for the last few decades.
But I don’t see this whole smiling trend taking off again anytime soon. So, for now I’m going to dig out the Zapper Gun from my Nintendo and do some duck hunting. I know just where to find some, too.
I’m going to start in the bathroom.