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Commentary: Felines far from the cat’s meow

Photo courtesy of MCT

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We have all been there: going over to the house of a friend or date, opening the door, and there it is, a cat.

I hate cats. I cannot think of a more worthless pet. I am not kidding.

Let’s step back and think of what you get when you buy a cat. 

You get a selfish, useless little drama queen who is more interested in itself than anyone else.

I enjoy how people go about making excuses for why they love their cat so much. I will now go through and debunk some myths.

1. Cats are cleaner.

That is such a load of bull, and you know it. On top of the fact that they do shed like dogs, they leave you those disgusting furballs everywhere that you get to find. The trade-off for not having to give them a bath is that you get to find the gross contents of their stomachs.

2. Cats are just as fun as dogs.

You can’t play fetch with a cat, tackle a cat, take it for a walk or just let it loose in the park as you run around. Even if you tried, the cat would just jump around for a minute and then flop down like a pissed-off valley girl who just had to change her own tire. Moving a fake mouse around on a string quickly so the cat paws at it is about as fun as watching roadkill decay.

3. Cats are just as loving as dogs.

Any dog I have ever seen in my life runs to the door with excitement when someone walks in. They are called “man’s best friend” for a reason, because they really are. If someone breaks into your house, it would be a dog, not a cat that would either alert the owner or attack the intruder.

4. Cats are smarter than dogs.

Anything that looks at me and sees the hate in my eyes and still thinks that I am going to pet it is a complete idiot. At least the dog catches on and then growls at you.

Dog owners can rest assured that your pet is still the dominant species. However, before cat-lovers flood my inbox with hate mail, I can assure you of one thing: Although I have never met your cat, I can guarantee you, I still hate it.

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