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Commentary: Hostess bakes up breakup, dumps childhood desserts for good

Courtesy of MCT

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I’ve been dumped.

Hostess is going out of business.

Hearing that news Friday brought an onslaught of unexpected sadness to my heart.

I am not a frequent buyer of Hostess products. They’re not necessarily my go-to midnight snack or the dessert I crave on a regular basis. I don’t keep a stash of CupCakes or Ding Dongs next to my bed or even in my house. I often overlook Hostess products when I’m doing my grocery shopping, and I don’t spend my free time thinking about their tastiness.

When I really analyze my history with the brand, I realize the last time I had a Hostess product probably extends to more than a year ago.

So when I first heard the news of Hostess’ demise, I didn’t quite understand why I felt so melancholy. It didn’t make any logical sense. I shouldn’t be this upset.

Yet by removing the mere possibility of tasting those sweet treats ever again, I couldn’t help but feel bitterness toward Hostess. How could they do this to me? What if I want a Ho Ho?

How many times will I crave a Sno Ball and go unsatisfied? What sweet treats will I miss out on tasting over a lifetime? How is it possible that my future children will never experience the simple joy of a Twinkie?

Yes, my reaction was a bit melodramatic. It’s just a little dessert manufacturer after all, right?

Wrong! I think I speak on behalf of all women when I say that any sort of limitation on chocolate and desserts warrants a mourning period and a slight bout of depression. I think my dejection, along with countless other disappointed customers, is wholly justified.

After my initial distraught feelings, the news hit me even harder. A flood of memories drowned my thoughts, making me sink into an even deeper misery. I thought about all the times I ate Twinkies while watching “Hey Arnold” or “Doug,” riding my bike to the Hostess bakery outlet just down the street from my house, and desperately trading my chocolate chip cookies at lunch for the luxury of a Ding Dong.

Hostess held a small part of my childhood memories and it’s proving difficult to accept the severing of such a fond attachment. I didn’t want to end my sporadic relationship with the unhealthy confections – the decision was made for me. I feel like I’ve been dumped. And I can’t turn to the comfort of a Twinkie in the midst of this breakup.

My one consolation in this predicament resides in Little Debbie. That brand is still in business. I can still get my fix of Oatmeal Creme Pies, Cosmic Brownies and Honey Buns whenever my heart desires. Zebra Cakes and Swiss Rolls may even have the potential to replace Ding Dongs and Ho Hos.

But alas, I will still miss my beloved Twinkies and nothing can ever replace them.

Rest in peace Twinkie. We had a good run. Always remember that you were greatly loved.

You will be missed.

 

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