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Opinion: Guns N’ Roses leaves fans hungry with slashed members

January 21, 2014

seamon.17@osu.edu
Guitarist Slash performs onstage at the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame Induction in March 2007.  Credit: Courtesy of MCT

Guitarist Slash performs onstage at the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame Induction in March 2007.
Credit: Courtesy of MCT

November rain is expected to fall in May.

With ‘80s hard rock band Guns N’ Roses as one of Rock On The Range’s headliners, theoretically, an appetite for destruction will be satiated by the time the annual Columbus music festival concludes.

This is how I imagine their set.

Steven Adler’s drumming will be what welcomes Columbus to the jungle. His smile, rooted at the corners of his mouth, will greet fans underneath his whispy, wavy golden locks of sunshine. He might not fall high in the ranks of history’s best drummers, but Adler’s sub-par talent is all that is needed to lay down the groundwork for “Paradise City” and the other 91 percent of “Appetite for Destruction.” Plus, it will be great to see him alive and well after his stints in rehab for multiple substance abuses.

Wait … Adler is not in GNR anymore? They kicked him out in 1990 for his drug problem? Oh, OK, bummer. Well, he was just the drummer, I guess.

At least bassist Duff McKagan will be there to lay down the funk in the opening of “Rocket Queen.” The blond, sexual sweetheart of the band always laid low, super mysterious in the shadows of the more prominent members, but now as a family man with a knack for entrepreneurship, McKagan is on fire. Not to mention, the journalism side of me envies his ability to score weekly columns for Playboy.com and ESPN.com in the past.

What did you say? McKagan made like a banana and split from GNR in 1997? So he’s not going to be there? Oh. Well, it is a known fact that bass is the choice instrument for those incompetent in any other type of guitar, so an orangutan could easily fill in.

As long as Izzy Stradlin, whose real name is Jeffrey Dean Isbell, is there to aid Axl Rose, whose real name is William Bruce Rose, Jr. in vocals, primarily on “Mr. Brownstone,” GNR will still tear it up despite Adler and McKagan’s absence. I imagine the rhythm guitarist will sport at least four different types of scarves, enough to give Steven Tyler a run for his…

Izzy isn’t going to be there either? He left the band in 1991 in an effort to get sober? He didn’t even show up to GNR’s induction ceremony into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2012? Well … good … we didn’t need him anyway.

So long as Slash (beautiful Slash), whose real name is Saul Hudson, is on stage, donning that top hat and cigarette, shredding through the opening lick of “Sweet Child O’ Mine,” GNR can continue to exist as the best hard rock band in the…

Oh my God. No. Then who is going to be there from the band’s original lineup?

Just Axl Rose? The reason why the other four members left? He replaced all of them? He had cornrows at some point?

So Guns N’ Roses might be headlining Rock On The Range this year, but Guns N’ Roses really isn’t headlining Rock On The Range this year.


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Comments (16)

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  1. Jurnan says:

    Hardly an opinionated article. More like mentioning facts we’ve known 10-20 years and then summing them up with the only possible result of arguing about whether or not it is Guns n’ Roses. Poor effort.

  2. Pennyworth says:

    Wtf? Is this article from the 90′s? I hope this writer doesn’t get paid.

  3. A poor writer and a stupid too..

  4. What an uninformed opinion. How plebeian.

  5. the keeper says:

    The article is fine, jeez some of you people…

  6. Liam Vageena says:

    Guns N Roses was bad ass back in the day! But somehow Axl got to keep the rights to the name and came out with a garbage album, Chinese Democracy. The writer was just trying to inform the uniformed, not please all of you die hard “Guns N Roses” fans. This article isn’t meant to be taken so seriously. Lay off…I enjoyed the article!

  7. Get Real says:

    What a complete waste of my time. I’ve read better comments on youtube vids. The same tired cliches. It seems to be real trendy to hate on Axl. The old band broke up 20 years ago- and the original GNR broke up in 1985. Know who the replacement members were? That’s right- Slash, Duff, and Steven were all hired hands- and they did a helluva job playing Axl and Izzy’s songs.

  8. NYJ says:

    Uninformed and inaccuarate; generally biased and ignorant. Good job, honey. Hope journalism isn’t your major.

  9. Anonymous says:

    Hey, I thought it was funny. Good work, Danielle.

  10. Anonymous says:

    D.J Ashba on guitar may not be an original member, but is perhaps, one of the most talented guitarists on planet Earth.

  11. Brandon D says:

    This article is lame and about 10 years too late to be relevant. Also, Izzy does show up to jam with GNR on occasion and Duff has as well.

  12. Apostle777 says:

    I saw Guns and Roses December 30th 2012 at the Hard Rock, Las Vegas. 3 hours of energy and the best rock talent on earth. Guns was considered the best concert for 2012-2013. They play 3 hour shows and have received wonderful reviews. We all love Slash, but DJ ASHBA, their lead guitarist, is gifted and I believe is more talented. Their work ethic on stage is unparalleled …No other rock act can keep up,

    △ ▽

  13. Feeney says:

    With all due respect, do your research. We don’t know if either Izzy or Duff will or won’t be there as they have performed with this new version of GNR many times in the past.

  14. Ali says:

    You would have to be an idiot from Finland to think GNR is better now.

    Ali

  15. Clouse wilhelm says:

    The real sad thing is that this band is awesome to see live, and will most likely steal the show at rock on the range. I have had the absolute pleasure of seeing them twice, once in 2006 and on e in 2011 and will place this band on my top ten all time live shows, and this is coming from someone who has seen hundreds of acts including the likes of Paul McCartney. The shame of it is that it is uninformed articles like this that turn folks away from a show that they would likely really enjoy. Yes it’s true, slash, Steven, izzy and duff are no longer in the band. They haven’t been for over a decade. It’s is a shame, as they were great together ect ect ect… But that is old news, and the group that axl has put together is phenomenal. Some might not enjoy Chinese democracy (and don’t kid yourself, a good portion of these people decided they didn’t like it before they even heard it) but it is a good album, with a lot of energy in my opinion.

    Oh and some random facts that the person who wrote this “article” missed: both izzy and duff do tend to show up on stage with the band during gigs, so it’s not out of the question that they could show at rotr, and axls real name is actually William Bruce Bailey not William Bruce rose.

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