Ohio State men’s basketball player Amedeo Della Valle is running as a write-in candidate for Undergraduate Student Government president and he is going to win.
His campaign video on YouTube breaks in with the grand melody of the “Rocky” theme and anyone who watches the video will go from giggling to laughing to caring about voting.
The sophomore guard is the only candidate to express interest in OSU having more snow days. He claims to be endorsed by musician Jay-Z and the scientist Bill Nye.
Della Valle’s unreal skills hitting three-point shots put him a cut above the other candidates, none of whom scored five points against Illinois Feb. 15.
OK, so he might not be the most prominent player on the OSU basketball team. Regardless of that, he is certainly the most prominent candidate for USG president, standing 6-feet-5-inches tall and weighing 190 pounds.
Now, imagine yourself lost in the Canadian wilderness with all of the USG presidential candidates. Can you think of a candidate more capable of fending off a rabid wolverine than Della Valle? That’s right, you cannot.
Della Valle is a native of Italy and spent part of the video making sure viewers knew how to say and spell his name. This hits home if, like me, you have a long Italian last name that not a single teacher in elementary school could get right.
Not only does Della Valle appeal to the people, but he doesn’t need annoying little minions on the Oval handing out flyers to campaign.
Della Valle’s running mate is “Slam” Thompson, as if Della Valle was not already guaranteed an election win.
If the epic highlights in the video of Della Valle playing basketball for OSU don’t seal the deal, this self-proclaimed “Italian Stallion” is a master of taking selfies and looks phenomenal wearing a banana suit.
What are the other candidates wearing? Khakis and high heels, just like regular political people.
Sure, he is a Division I basketball player. But he is also one of us. This is what the OSU student body needs, a USG president for all of us.
Also, the fact that Della Valle has any chance of getting elected is a sign that only a fraction of the student body is paying attention to the USG elections. It’s not like USG controls hundreds of thousands of dollars of funding for student programs, right?
This is not high school, where the presidential vote is a popularity contest among preppy overachievers. The vote matters here.
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