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Satire: Aaron Craft screws up his own bracket

March 20, 2014

frame.28@osu.edu
Sports Credit: Ritika Shah / Asst. photo editor

Senior guard Aaron Craft (4) jumps for a layup. University of Dayton defeated OSU in the first round of the NCAA Tournament March 20, 60-59.
Credit: Ritika Shah / Asst. photo editor

After missing the potentially game-winning shot Thursday against the Dayton Flyers, it has been revealed that Aaron Craft is directly responsible for screwing up his own NCAA March Madness 2014 bracket.

Craft, starting power point for the Ohio State Buckeyes, reportedly placed a bet that OSU would easily defeat Dayton and move past the second round into the Sweet 16, at least.

Sources also claim that not only has Craft completely botched his own bracket, but also millions of participants’ brackets that also believed the Buckeyes would easily defeat the Flyers.

After the game, Craft sat down with The Dim Bulb for an exclusive interview, explaining how upset he was now that his bracket “can’t possibly win him any money.”

“Right after I tossed up that shot in the last seconds, I knew it wasn’t going in,” Craft said. “You could immediately tell on my face how sad I was that I wasn’t going to win Warren Buffett’s Billion Dollar Bracket Challenge.”

Craft continued to say that not only was he upset that it was completely his fault for not completing a perfect bracket, a feat that requires astronomical odds, but he also made bets with his roommates that he now has to pay up.

“I bet all of my roommates $50 that I’d make it to the Final Four,” continued Craft. “Looks I’ll be paying for our Taco Tuesday for a while. Shucks.”

Despite letting himself and everybody else who planned on OSU winning yesterday’s game down, Craft says defeat was inevitable.

“I planned on Florida winning the whole thing, so had we reached the championship, I would’ve completely thrown the game,” he said.

When asked how he personally feels about losing to another team from Ohio, Craft says he couldn’t be happier that Dayton is advancing.

“People go to Dayton because they can’t get into Ohio State,” explained Craft. “It’s nice that they at least get a chance to know what it feels like to be a Buckeye and actually win an important sporting event.”

Craft, who has been one of OSU’s key defensive players, also responded to all of the backlash he has received about his last game as a career Buckeye.

“I still love my Buckeyes.  And I always will. It’s just hard for me because I know that all of those drunk, out of shape super-fanatics with two left-feet who are cursing my name could’ve actually made that last shot, had they had the chance.”

At press time, it was reported that although Craft missed the last shot of his career as an OSU basketball player, who cares? He is still a great kid and phenomenal athlete who has played his heart out for four years and we all wish him the best with his future.

This is part of a series called “The Dim Bulb.” It is a weekly dose of satire, intended to poke fun at the university and affiliates. The contents of these articles are not factual and are not meant to be taken seriously.


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