A screenshot of Rich Kids of Tehran's Instagram page

A screenshot of The Rich Kids of Tehran’s Instagram page

It doesn’t matter where you come from. It doesn’t matter what cultural social norms surround the world you were brought into, and it sure as hell holds no regard to any inter-personal experiences you — or anyone else — might have: Rich kids are useless brats, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. It’s embodied in the apparently invincible Rich Kids of Instagram/Rich Kids of Tehran phenomenon.

Acting less upon thought and more influenced by daddy’s Bugatti, selfies with gigantic bottles of champagne and the private jet out back, this clan of spoiled children is obviously better to be self-exiled to its own narcissism-smeared reality — where even on a cloudy day, it rains Rosé and gold watches to appease the faux-royalty fledglings. 

Nonetheless, thousands upon thousands of us peons still seem to give a s—. Therein, I suppose I ought to do my part and feed the fire, in the name of the Average Kids of Real Life. 

The U.S.-based Rich Kids of Instagram account appeared on Instagram more than two years ago and has picked up more 84,000 followers on its braggadocio-style content. Later on, several spin-offs of the account appeared, with the more recent and notable — and controversial — being Rich Kids of Tehran (Iran).

The Tehran account began in September, amassing about 300 posts and landing an eventual 100,000-and-counting followers — all before being shut down amid pressure from the Iranian government in October. 

A new account recently appeared.

Followers of the original Rich Kids of Instagram get to see the beautiful girls climbing out of infinity pools to be met with expensive wine poured directly into their mouths. Or maybe you’d rather gape at the snapshot of Johnny Slickster Cool-Guy pouring multiple bottles of champagne into a bathtub for a quick rinse. Or perhaps you prefer the scantily clad girl passed out in the passenger seat of a Ferrari.  

Whichever meets your choice flavor, you can pretty much do it — if you’re in the United States, that is. 

This is where mass media outlets and socio-political debates arise: Rich Kids of Tehran is basically breaking Iranian law in the strict, conservative state every time it mimics the original Rich Kids of Instagram account.

Many of the women in the Tehran account have their hair fully visible, the subjects are indulging in alcohol (prohibited in Iran since 1979) and there are bikinis and flashy outfits next to the lavish high-rise swimming pool vantage point where the majority of Tehran’s population below appears as ants.

According to a 2011 article by The Washington Post, the children of those “ants” below are increasingly working instead of attending school while “legal kidney sales — along with a recent price drop (in kidney transactions), from $10,000 to $2,000, because so many people are selling their organs for cash — give people the clear idea that they are sliding into poverty.” More than 60 million of Iran’s 70 million are receiving $40 handouts each month, according to the same article. 

Of course, the state’s situation deserves a face to step up and guide the rest of the world into understanding, and that’s where Rich Kids of Tehran had previously set out, got shut down and now have returned to do apparently. 

For the people!

In one post, the anonymous runner of the account wrote:

“We have changed the way the world looks at us … We wanted to show the luxurious side of Tehran to the world. Only thing we did was to post some pictures on Instagram. We love our country and like any other country we have rich and we have less fortunate people. Some rich people in Iran come from wealthy families who have been rich for generations. Others simply made their wealth by working hard.”

See? We have completely misunderstood these poor kids. Attempting to alter peoples’ idea of Tehran and the Middle East which “is always on TV receiving negative attention,” these privileged babies are only showing that “Tehran is not like that.”

And now you really get it, everything’s all peaches on the mountain top so everyone else is totally cool and better-off than you thought.

As these types of situations — such as this rich kids Instagram fiasco — will naturally get political, I have no interest — or valuable insight — in touching on any of that. What I am blown away by is the fact that we’ve just now managed to hit the gold(-covered-s—) age of social network society.

People are evidently so blinded by the selfie-induced narcissism of social network, that we now boast a group of young rich pricks attesting to a truly altruistic social service in their photos of decadent wealthiness.  

Wait — the privileged are finally changing the entire world with their material possessions!? That’s f—— amazing! We’ve been waiting for this moment since consciousness!

My apologies, but if that wasn’t enough, tens of thousands of stupid, bored, whiny people all over earth follow these accounts and comment on the posts. But not before deciding whether they’d prefer to talk s— from a password-protected high horse, or if they’d like to embellish the trendy distraction of their irrational, reality television daydreams.

“Iranian people are beautiful! It is so nice to see your beauty on this page instead of all the bad things I always here (sic),” said one comment on the new account, already up to a fresh collection of more than 7,000 followers.

Hell yeah, girl! Isn’t it bad— how nice the real world is?! 

One day, I’m sure, we’ll all ditch our jobs with enough money to buy a Maserati, load the back seat with Rolex watches and crash it into our mom’s infinity pool. Instagrammers will hop on my seconds-before-the-crash selfie and sandwich their comments between each other, either telling me that they’re glad the world isn’t so cold and dark, that I’m a piece of s— with my parents’ money or simply request what the color, make and model of my supercar is.

No, no — I realize I’m no better than anyone else. I’m here adding to the far-reaching free publicity as of late, and I’m b——- about the same things I refer to as meaningless.

I don’t really care who spends their time in the wake of the Rich Kids’ ridiculous content. The true grievance is based on the tipping point that seems to be occurring. While humans may be mistake-ridden and dumb at times, it’s coming to the point where too many people are giving off the impression of “too stupid.”

Overspoken maybe, but what the hell is going on with this social climate? Thanks for surviving your existence as the offspring of powerhouse 1 percenters to step up and be the hero. And much thanks to the participating commenters — your opinions were so damn valuable.

Do something with your time, and let the Rich Kids of Wherever waste theirs.