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Opinion: Ohio State fan and her ‘side dude’ not important in scope of Alabama game

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Screen shot of ESPN broadcast

Screen shot of ESPN broadcast

An Internet meme of Urban Meyer eating pizza, President Michael Drake wearing his hat sideways or Cardale Jones preaching about the importance of education didn’t go viral Friday morning post-Ohio State’s Alabama victory.

Instead, it introduced a new OSU celebrity.

A Vine — created by user djsourmilk — shows a broadcasted shot of OSU fans at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome following a play made during the Sugar Bowl, and it  specifically pans in on a woman looking incredibly awkward and uncomfortable while scratching the head of a man to her right. Her demeanor almost looked like she was caught in the act.

The Internet promptly gave her a scarlet letter, proclaiming she must have been at the game with her “side dude” (i.e. her secret lover). Gawker.com called her “OSU Sidepiece Girl.”

But come to find out — according to an afternoon update on Gawker via trusted sources allegedly close to the woman — the guy is actually her “mainpiece,” or, in more historic terms, her “boyfriend.”

So what’s the story?

Spoiler: There is none. But here are six things more important than speculating on strangers’ relationships:

OSU won!

After several doubts and quarterbacks, the Buckeyes made it. OSU was counted out but now has a shot at being counted as the No. 1 football team in the country. Haters gonna hate, but OSU is here to play. Football, though. Not school.

Best pick

Reddit user PM_Me_Your_Signature created a .gif that plays the incident in reverse, making it look like the woman picked her nose and then wiped it on the guy. Crude humor makes everything better. Well … everything except losing a shot at a championship. Sorry, Bama.

“It’s OK!” guy

I’d like to request that the guy behind the scandalous couple be present at all future exams. When the present progressive conjugation of “estar” escapes me, he can stand up and shout, “We’re OK! We’re OK!” and then hopefully explain to me just what exactly that is.

Us vs. The World

Another crowd shot showed a fan in a gray sweatshirt reading “Ohio Against the World.” About 0.2 seconds later, my Twitter timeline was full of that same statement. Two years ago, I actually bought a shirt reading “Ohio Against the World.” People would ask, “What does that even mean?” I think we all know now.

Explaining what a “Side Dude” is to your parents

It’s like a dude … on the side. The relationship version of fries — hot, but you regret it later.

Vine is still relevant?

Hopefully Vine’s resurrection from the social media graveyard is as short-lived as this “scandal.”

4 comments

  1. get over it, its funny

  2. I almost fainted today when MSNBC said 28 million people watched the buckeyes upset Alabama..WOW WOW WOW!!!! How many of us thought the playoff committee lost their d@ minds giving us ROLL TIDE???? Thought we might get CREAMED!!! BUT the ratings say “EVERYONE wanted to see the two GREATEST college coaches play with a 3rd string QB!!!” What a GREAT game! Felt like the national title game!

  3. She’s actually picking the pocket of the guy in the black sweatshirt! Not scratching anyone’s neck!

  4. She was passing a joint behind her boyfriends head to the guy on the left.

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