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Ask Ogonna: Be real with yourself when ‘defining the relationship’

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Have a problem with love or life in general? Send Ogonna your questions at askogonna@gmail.com and get them answered here in her column. You can also tweet her at @askogonna.

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Reader: Should I wait until summer to DTR?

Ogonna: No.

I don’t know about you, but I feel like when the weather gets hotter, so does the thirst—and yes, I am talking about relationship thirst.

It’s approaching the end of the year, and it’s time to decide what is to come of that spring fling. DTR, or defining the relationship, can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare. Here’s my advice for how to handle it.

If you’re considering breaking things off with someone, don’t wait to let the distance of summer be a reason that you two didn’t work out. You could, but that’s a cop-out. And cop-outs never really work out.

I cannot speak for everyone, but I have witnessed many a girl left dazed in confusion on whether or not she is in a relationship and what kind of relationship that is. This confusion leads to one party constantly talking to the other, either because that person thinks he or she is in a relationship, or because they really don’t know and are just trying to gauge the situation. Not only does the other person feel suffocated, but it makes the clinger feel, well, clingy. And no one wants that.

The opposite end of the spectrum of possibilities is that both parties simply cut off all forms of communication, and neither knows what the other was feeling or why. Depending on how both people feel about each other, cutting off ties could be for the better, or the worst.

The best thing to do in this case is be honest. I know—how much more cliché can I get? However, I stand by this. If someone approaches you for the talk and you don’t want to be in a relationship, be real and let that person know how you’re feeling and why. Even if you think you two are meant to be together, the timing could be all wrong, or perhaps you’re just not interested in that person.

And if you do want a relationship but have reservations, express them. No type of relationship can work out without honest communication, and yes I think I stole that line from an old episode of Dr. Phil.

Now the question is, when does one DTR? My answer is probably after the stress of finals. That way you can focus on your GPA and not your heart, if only for a few hours at a time.

As always, I think the best forms of communication should be done in person, especially with matters of the heart. But since texting seems to be the new way of saying “Do you want to date? Check yes or no,” then you do you.

DTR can result in bliss or potential sadness, but whatever happens, don’t let it ruin the sunny days of your summer vacation. If anything, let it be a start to a new you.

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