Oh boy, I’ve been waiting a long time for this moment. Ever since my first half-mile walk through its busy parking lot or the first in a long line of SOLD OUT disappointments, I’ve been waiting for some kind of public forum to rant about the most popular public haunt in the city of Columbus: the AMC Lennox Town Center 24.Rising like a modern-day Tower of Babel in an area of town whose previous highlight was the infamous “Club Secrets,” the Lennox Theater proves intimidating to moviegoers for a variety of reasons. Though anyone who has been there even once can probably rattle off a dozen inconveniences that compose the logistical nightmare that is the Lennox, I’m going to attempt to list my grievances in a logical, somewhat rational order. Here we go…Traffic. If there’s a single word guaranteed to make my skin crawl, it’s the T-word. Can’t stand it, not even for a second. So you can probably imagine the sheer excitement, the amplified zest for life I feel every time I head south on Olentangy River Road only to find…yeah, that’s right, twenty-five cars backed up ahead of me, filtering two at a time though the agonizingly long John H. Herrick/Olentangy traffic signal. There may as well be a customs checkpoint underneath the 315 overpass because the T-word turns an otherwise short, five-minute trip into an epic journey.Co-conspiring with the problem of traffic is the equally challenging parking dilemma. On more than one occasion I’ve stepped out of the car and thought to myself, “Geez, if I’m supposed to be going to a movie, then why in the world am I parked in front of Target?” But then I look at the bright side of things: at least I have a place to park. However, once the parking spot has been successfully attained, there is the small matter of walking a few light years to the theater’s front entrance. Winter is a particularly bad time for this, and while COTA had some little trolley/shuttle thing for theater patrons last year at this time, I think it only proper to suggest the construction of something a little more permanent. Something along the lines of the Disney world monorail system.Remember the spontaneity of getting a bunch of friends together and going to the movies at a moment’s notice? Well, you can forget all about that. The Lennox 24 is perhaps the only theater in central Ohio where going to a movie on the weekend can become a day long event. Unless you want to watch a movie from either the front row or with the Hubble telescope from your distant parking space, you’ve got to plan ahead. Seriously. Pack a lunch and get to the theater at least an hour in advance. Weekdays aren’t so bad, but citing past experience, I’ve sworn off weekend trips to the Lennox almost entirely.Okay, I’ll admit it: Sometimes I’m a big baby. But as in any other monetary investment, it’s comforting to at least think you’re going to be able to see a movie with minimal hassle. So who’s to blame? The people who threw their money together and built the best damn movie theater in town? Probably not. I’ve got a feeling they’re not going to be too broken up inside listening to some kid from OSU complain about a business that brings in a billion-kajillion dollars every day. But at the same time I don’t think I’m the only person out there who sees the Lennox as both a blessing and a curse. As a person who would rather go out of his way to a competing theater than deal with senseless aggravations, that’s a comforting thought.I’ve gotta be honest. Even as I put the finishing touches on this editorial, I realize my writing to be an exercise in futility. Maybe the upcoming Easton multiplex will take some of the air out of Lennox’s tires; only time will tell. Until then, I think I’ll go catch a movie. On video.
Brian Hayes is a senior majoring in English.
