Guy. When you think of a “guy” most people picture that whole “I’m-not-still-a-boy-because-I-want-sex, but-I’m-not-quite-a-man-because-I-refuse-to-get-married” category – the perfect term for a college-aged male.Well, someone alert Naomi Wolfe because there’s another subliminal blow to the feminist movement that no one seems to want to address.There is no female equivalent to the word “guy.” I can hear the cries now “You mean we’re not equal?” Hell no, girl, er, woman, I mean, chick.Think about it: my 10-year-old sister is a “girl” soon to be a “young lady,” my mom’s a “woman” who used to be a “chick,” my grandma’s a “lady” who used to be a “dame.”So what shall we be identified as? Are we old girls, young women? Maybe the ever-so-flattering “bitches?”Males have the perfect progression of labels throughout their lives: from boy (they stay here for a long time) to young man (ditto) to guy (“I’m not a grown-up yet so don’t you dare call me one.”) to man (yes, only a few really ever make it here.)The fairer sex is missing a step: girl to young lady to something that can’t be explained to woman to lady.There needs to be a step in there to allow us to identify ourselves without conjuring up images of wearing lacey little dresses with frilly little socks, or being a mother of three with a two-car garage and a husband who can’t find his underwear.We need a Guy Phase.Not only do we need a guy phase, we need our own label for it. Since I have no idea where to come up with a name for this phase I will simply eliminate some of the more common terms.The one and only rule for naming the female guy phase: It cannot have another meaning, especially any meaning that can refer to dogs, or for that matter any other mammal. This also includes any derogatory meanings.Sorry, I know this eliminates a lot of common alternatives – bitches, hoes, Lassie, etc. Chick is out of the question. Any word that can mean fashionable or is a derivative of small fowl will not work. (Does it worry anyone else that terms for women and animals are so interchangeable? Is the Great Word God trying to tell us something?) We cannot stereotype this group – not all members of this group have a keen fashion sense and not all of them chose to have anything to do with small fowl. Some guys have no fashion sense, some do. Fashion should have nothing to do with what you call a person unless you’re calling them a slob and then it’s perfectly all right.Gal must also be eliminated – yes, it once referred to females in this group but it just sounds way too old-fashioned to apply to this young crowd. Same for “dame” and “doll.”Now before you go and get the torch ready to meet your bra, demanding a label, I should warn you that I don’t know if it’s possible to follow The Rule. Not even the wonderful word of guy has only one meaning. There’s guy as in a guy wire that is defined as “to steady, guide, or secure with a rope, cord, or cable.” There’s also a lesser-known term that could be even more appropriate for guys: “a person of odd or grotesque appearance or dress.” Hmmmm, makes you wonder.Maybe we should all just be addressed as “Hey you” or “Bob’s girlfriend” or more appropriately “Bob’s better half.” We do so love to be identified by who we are with rather than who we are.Maybe we should all take a cue from RuPaul and decide that gender isn’t important when labeling a person, we are all just a bunch of “guys” trying to become “women” and “men” – but not too quickly.
Julie Branco is a chick majoring in journalism who prefers to be called “Bobo.”
