We can put a man on the moon but we can’t make a condom that allows any feeling.It’s no secret that most men won’t wear condoms. For most, it’s a simple matter of “Why should I waste a good 5 to 6 minutes having sex if I’m not going to feel a damn thing?” Most men would be happy to wear one if only our lower extremities wouldn’t go numb. It’s like injecting your penis with novocaine. It’s like wearing a three-piece suit in a Korean massage parlor. Get the point, or do I have to continue with the analogies? A research lab in Sweden has shown that if you’re wearing a condom and ya slam your penis in a car door (it happens more than you think), you wouldn’t feel a thing.Every condom imaginable is on the market – colored, flavored (maybe I’m not doing something right, but I never understood the purpose of a condom tasting like a banana split), glow-in-the-dark, even ribbed (for her pleasure, of course). Well what about our pleasure? Condoms are a great idea, they curb pregnancy and STD’s, but is it too much to ask for a little feeling when wearing one? I have the perfect ad pitch – “Now, a condom that actually lets you feel yourself having sex! No more taking your partner’s word for it.” Or this – “Now with extra added feeling!If these are too bold, the ads could be more subtle like the maxipad commercials – show guys horseback riding, playing tennis, or sitting around a bar talking about guy things. A voice-over could talk about the comfort and extra feeling provided by the condom. Provide feeling, and men would have no excuse for not wearing them. Why not go one step further and make them so comfortable and form-fitting that guys’ll want to wear them all the time – even when not having sex. They’d wear it to work, class, or when just sitting around watching TV. Got an important interview? Wear your lucky condom.The implications would be more than a fashion trend. It’d provide a better way of dealing with teen pregnancy than the current way – let men jet out of the picture and put all the blame on women. The woman is criticized if she chooses abortion, and she’s criticized if she has the baby and is forced to go on welfare. I know the argument is that condoms are not 100 percent effective at stopping pregnancy. Well why not? We can make weapons that are 100 percent effective at blowing the crap out of somebody, but we can’t make a condom that is 100 percent effective at stopping brainless sperm.I know the Vatican doesn’t approve of condoms. But the Vatican can’t even prevent their men-of-the-cloth from molesting young boys, and they’re telling us we should only have sex when we want to reproduce. I’m no Bible expert, but you’d think molesting boys would be a greater sin than having sex with your mate just for fun.With all the research being done, is it too much to ask for a little condom research? Men want to feel!Once this goal is accomplished, I can begin the next step in making the world a better place – convince fashion designers to bring back one of the greatest articles of clothing ever designed for women: the tube top.
Anthony Castillo’s need for condoms is merely a literary device meant to add credibility.
