In high school I had a close friend who, to this day, frequently invades my thoughts. She was a stunning woman. One of the most intelligent women I have ever known, she had a work ethic that rivaled the most devout Protestant. She could take any instrument and draw from it the most beautiful melody it had to offer. She was warm and compassionate, participating in nearly every volunteer opportunity that my small town had to offer. Her communication skills allowed her to carry on a conversation with anyone she came across. When she would walk across a room, every head, male and female, would turn to watch her graceful dance across the floor. There was nothing she couldn’t do. There was nothing she couldn’t overcome – well, almost nothing.Even with all these phenomenal qualities, she was convinced she wasn’t attractive. Despite the droves of men who would all but form a line to dance with her at the socials, she was certain that she was overweight, not tall enough, not shapely enough – just plain repulsive.It was this distorted self-image that led her through some of the darkest of times. There were the struggles with bulimia and anorexia that left her looking like a skeleton. There was the smoking that helped curb her appetite. There were the sleepless nights that left her with dark circles around her eyes and required hours of attention the next morning. There were the breakdowns.Her self-perception left me puzzled. Despite her exhaustive explanations, I could not comprehend how a woman with such a myriad of wonderful attributes could do anything other than love herself. Despite my greatest efforts, however, I could not convince her of her inner and outer beauty.When I left for college I was convinced that this type of problem was somewhat of an anomaly. I knew that these problems existed; I had just assumed they were rare. Living in the dorms, however, I found that a positive self-image in women was in fact quite rare.Almost every woman I have since spoken with about this subject is unhappy with her appearance. There are ankles that are too fat, legs that aren’t long enough, faces that are too plain, hair that is too thin, behinds that are too big, noses that aren’t the right shape, eyes that aren’t the right color. The list is endless.But how could I be surprised? When I started to really take notice of the issue, I saw that every magazine, every television advertisement, every television program, every film and every magazine told them they were right – or rather that they were wrong.As I flipped through an issue of Cosmopolitan, I saw women who were freaks of nature. On one page, there would be a photograph of an abnormally tall and thin woman, scantily clad to reveal her flawless skin and supple breasts. On the opposite page, there would be advertisements for weight loss programs, pore-reducing creams, skin cleansers and a various number of other cosmetics. Every page told the reader that no matter who she was, she was inferior.I also became aware that, in addition to shaping women’s views of beauty, society had shaped my view of beauty. I, too, had been convinced that these qualities were a requirement for attractiveness. We have all been brainwashed.The pressure that we as a society have placed on women is a disgrace. Convincing women of their inferiority instead of celebrating their unique inner and outer beauty is a crime. Truthfully, there are no simple answers to this problem. These narcissistic images of beauty, so deeply ingrained in the minds of both men and women since birth, will be buried in our subconscious until we meet our graves. But I will do my part by consciously rejecting these horrific standards, and I invite you to do the same.And to the aforementioned high school friend, I know that my words offer little consolation, but you are beautiful both inside and out, and the intangible beauty that is your soul will outshine the gloss-covered air brushed photographs of any magazine.
Andrew Hall is a regular Lantern columnist and can be reached at [email protected].