Do tip jars in fast food restaurants and coffee shops bother anyone else?
I’m preempting my usual column with a brief rant on this annoying trend. There are a few professions where I’ll concede that it’s customary to leave a tip.
Waiters make less than the minimum hourly wage and depend on tips for their livelihood. I tip my barber out of fear. It’s part of my usual habit of tipping anyone who operates a straight razor around my throat.
But are the people who make my burritos and latte’s really in the same category? To my knowledge, these people make more than the minimum wage and to date haven’t approached me with a razor blade. Do I risk sub-standard quality and service if I stiff them? It’s just a matter of time before I have to tip the cashier at Kroger and the surgeon performing my heart bypass.
Why can’t these companies just pay their employees enough to ensure great service for everyone? It seems that the current system tries to force the public to compensate for a cheap management.
To add insult to injury, at LaBamba, the tip jar is placed underneath a sign telling you to only pay the amount shown by the cashier.
Now, I haven’t ruled out the possibility that I’m horribly misinformed on the topic of fast food and coffee shop tipping. If anyone in these professions would like to submit an argument in favor of tipping, I’ll include it in a future column.
Ranting aside, if you haven’t guessed yet, the restaurant this week is LaBamba. Located at 1980 N. High St., this handicap-accessible locale advertises burritos the size of your head. Don’t be fooled. I mean, honestly, that would be an eight-pound burrito. I think we outlawed those with the Geneva Convention.
Before ordering we had a chance to check out the dining area and the menu. There’s always plenty of seating here with a great many booths for four or six people. The tables and floor appeared very clean as well, which is reassuring in any High Street establishment. Smokers may have to step outside for a mid-burrito smoke, as LaBamba’s is non-smoking.
Co-masticator Karla had this to say, “I like the easy-order pictures on the menu. Sometimes Mexican menus can be intimidating. I don’t know how to say the words so I just order a numbered combo meal.”
Even my sophisticated readers can probably relate; as they try to decipher the cryptic dishes represented by foreign words like TACO and BURRITO. Impatient masticators will be happy to note it only takes between two and five minutes to get your entrees.
The super-burrito is about the size of your forearm; at least it’s the size of my forearm. It comes stuffed with sliced tomatoes, chopped iceberg lettuce, refried beans, onions and your choice of several kinds of meat. There are also avocado and guacamole burritos for the vegetarian crowd.
I’ll level with you; the average – and even somewhat bland – ingredients used in these burritos aren’t going to win them any awards, but if you’re in the mood for a decent bean log they’ll do the trick. I recommend a standard burrito and a medium drink; any more than that is likely to break you.
About the veggie tacos, my trusty sidekick Jarrod said, “I ordered the number three combo and regret it. The rice sucks. By sucks I mean it’s bland and tasteless. It’s unfortunately the main ingredient in this combo too. If you’re going to eat here, then order the burritos over the tacos. Hank, you never take me to nice places anymore!”
My other co-masticator Hollie, who had tacos, said, “These steak tacos are good, but could use some salsa for flavoring. They contain steak, tomato slices, lettuce and onions wrapped in a flour tortilla. The meat was a bit tough and the tortilla even tasted a little stale.”
Karla’s quesadilla must’ve been a little better. “The quesadilla is excellent,” she said. “It’s a great meatless option. It’s a large tortilla loaded with cheese, lettuce, tomato and beans.”
I ordered the delicious Super Nachos. For four bucks and change, you get a plate piled high with corn tortilla chips, big tomato slices, shredded iceberg lettuce, sour cream, refried beans, cheese and the meat of your choice. Salsa and hot sauce are provided on the side. Careful with the hot sauce though, it doesn’t mess around. I’ve ruined at least one burrito here with hot sauce negligence.
My dining party and I agree that it’s a LaBamba conspiracy to offer such spicy hot sauce without free drink refills.
It’s a great disservice to my readers that I was unable to solve the mystery of the LaBamba cheese. My best guess is that the mild white cheese is some kind of provolone. When we approached the cooks and inquired into the nature of this dairy dilemma, the language barrier prevented us from getting much help. The cook said something that sounded like “Chihuahua.” Dog-lovers relax, the cheese here tasted nothing like Chihuahuas.
A few other interesting points to note about the décor. LaBamba may possess the only mural in Columbus depicting burrito-headed Ohio State and Michigan football players. The scoreboard has us winning the game 28 to 7, truly placing the scene in the realm of fantasy.
A second mural depicts a friendly seaside burrito vendor. While an interesting wall decoration, this mural has some obvious shading errors. The man is facing a morning sun while his burrito’s shadow indicates an evening sun. The third mural depicts the super burrito getting the best of three clumsy white people with the caption: “Super Burrito, Hard to Handle, Easy to Love.” Let it be known that this clumsy white man handled his just fine.
The restroom was pretty nasty. Don’t get me wrong, there wasn’t trash lying around or anything. Just a general funk coating and a strong urine smell. It was comparable to walking through a smoke-filled room. No obvious health hazard, but deep down you know it’s just not healthy.
If there’s one overriding feeling you have when leaving LaBamba, it’s feeling full. As my rioting readers know, the best defense against drunken hooliganism is a full stomach. In my opinion, both President Kirwan and the USG are ignoring a simple solution for car-tipping miscreants: LaBamba’s super burrito. Perhaps all the vandalism, arson and abdomen stabbing could be avoided if everyone sat down and shared in the burrito of brotherhood.
Hank Mylander is a junior in management information systems from Westerville. He presently holds cooking degrees from many prestigious culinary art schools. Actually that’s a lie. Thanks for reading my bio line anyway. The masticator can be reached at [email protected].
