Willing to ignore objections to the corporate takeover on High Street for decent eats, great milkshakes and the worst service since Denny’s? Then read on as we delve deep into the enigma that is Steak ‘n’ Shake.
I’m not one to point fingers, but a passing glance at the menu and you’ll agree that Steak ‘n’ Shake bears no small measure of culpability for America’s raging epidemic of dunlop’s disease. Watch that you don’t catch it yourself. The chief symptom of the “disease” is a gut that “dun lops” over your belt. Concerned readers can perform a self-diagnosis discretely by standing straight and placing their hand where the stomach meets the waistband of your pants. Does the fabric still fight the good fight? Or, has it buckled under thy enormous girth? From the look of you, I’d wager the latter.
Quinn tried Steak ‘n’ Shake’s classic steakburger and comments, “The burgers here are really good. They’re not huge, but the grease and the cheese sauce come together irresistibly.” I agree. While there isn’t much complexity to this creation, it is one tasty burger.
I ordered the Frisco Melt, two hamburger patties topped with American and Swiss cheese, lettuce, tomato and “Frisco” sauce between two slices of grilled sourdough bread. It was served hot, with the salt from the burger and the sweet tanginess of the sauce intermingling well. While certainly a treat, I simply had to know the true nature of the “Frisco” sauce. Thankfully, the manager was none too reluctant to let me know that “Frisco” is code for “Thousand Island salad dressing.” I’ll try and remember to order a Frisco Big Mac next time I’m at McDonald’s.
April, in another fit of vegetarianism, ordered the grilled cheese sandwich and writes, “I like mine with both Swiss and American cheese, but you have to ask them for it that way. The sandwich is really good, albeit unoriginal.” Like-minded vegetarian readers in search of a milquetoast regurgitation of the American classic would be well advised to follow suit. They’d be even better advised to give up vegetarianism altogether and order a burger for God’s sake.
One can’t visit Steak ‘n’ Shake without paying homage to the dairy side of the business. Without fail, the shakes are thick and delicious. Quinn ordered a chocolate malt and writes, “While this shake is very good, it could use more malt.” April paid extra and ordered a fancy cookies and cream milkshake. It came garnished with a thin chocolate wafer that, all said, tasted more like brown than chocolate. Other than that minor inconvenience, the shakes were all wonderful.
While there’s undoubtedly more I’d like to say about this bastion of cholesterol, a healthy acknowledgment of the selfless efforts of my friends and colleagues fills my heart with thanksgiving.
First and foremost, in alphabetical order, I’d like to thank my dear friends and roommates, Nishanta Baruah, Quinn Curtis and Jarrod Craft. Their company during reviews, witty remarks over dinner and painstaking proofreading is no doubt responsible for the quality of my work, take that as you might.
Secondly, a big thank you to April Cobun, Gavin Mueller and Brian Scott for lending a hand on a number of occasions, by either joining me on a review or proofing the column for print.
Third, I’d like to thank all the people at the Lantern for allowing me the honor and privilege of writing for such an intelligent and well-humored audience. Special recognition goes to my arts editor Jason Mann, as well as his predecessors Brooke Abernethy and Rafidah Ramli for their assistance in editing the final copy for print. Surely a thankless task, until now.
And last but not least, I’d like to thank my readers for bearing with me through my dull anecdotes, tasteless jokes and blithering diatribes. Your kind, generous correspondence have certainly made this lowly food critic’s day, time and time again. Though parting is such sweet sorrow, rest assured that we’ll be masticating together again in the fall.
Hank Mylander is a junior from Westerville double majoring in Information Systems and water-skiing. Have you ever thought about writing a column for the Lantern? Drop the Masticator and soon-to-be Opinion Editor an e-mail. He can be reached at [email protected].
