Two egos so large they need separate land masses.
Imagine the spark these two could make burning off some off those weeknight wireless minutes.
MJ: Sending….
Barry: Bonds, here.
MJ: I’m back.
Barry: Yeah, I know my nutritionist saw that. That’s great.
MJ: It is great isn’t it? I’m just heading up to Chicago to polish my statue, I want it looking great for the preseason.
Barry: Yeah, I’m lobbying to have my own erected on a buoy out in McCovey Cove but management thinks that may be too much.
MJ: What a joke!
Barry: Yeah, they think having three lockers to myself, a big screen television for my personal use, a PR man, personal trainer, a recliner, masseur in the club house and arriving in a separate bus from the team is rubbing some of the guys the wrong way.
MJ: Well it’s not like the team didn’t congratulate you after your 500th trot around the bases.
Barry: Actually, they didn’t.
MJ: Oh.
Barry: But all that matters is that the people who care about me did. My personal trainer, PR man, masseur and nutritionist were all there for me the day I increased my greatness.
MJ: Hey, at least you know who your real friends are. I mean, who needs a team anyway. I could have won those six rings with three cheerleaders and a chimp wearing a suit.
Barry: Championship, or no championship, there will still be Cooperstown. The things I care about are, 70 home runs and first ballot. I could care less that I have a postseason batting average of .200 in 80 at-bats with one home run.
MJ: Yeah that must be strange playing a team sport.
Barry: It is. So why did you decide to come back? You’re 38, you can’t possibly win another scoring title. So what is it? Love of the game? Ha, ha, come on. Boredom? Gambling getting old? Family life bogging you down? I mean your airness, it’s like Ludicrous says “different area codes,” and the NBA has like, what, 30?
MJ: Come on Barry, gambling wouldn’t force me to retire twice. There is much larger reason for my triumphant return. Tiger Woods.
Barry: Tiger’s still bothering you, eh?
MJ: I never realized how difficult it would having the spotlight ripped away from me and given to Tiger, and for a brief time this summer, yourself.
Barry: Hey! I’ve had the spotlight, I’m the player of the ’90s.
MJ: Barry, please, I’m the No. 1 athlete of the century. I won’t let Tiger, engaging in a recreational activity, make anyone forget that.
Barry: ESPN, sheesh, a horse made that list, although that Barry Bonds Bonanza was excellent on ESPN Classic.
MJ: I’m going to dominate the headlines for months. The Masters is more than half a year away!
Barry: Just keep quiet till I get four more home runs, I want to bask in this glory.
MJ: Are you going to have the Maris and McGwire family at the final games?
Barry: Why would I have them there they don’t pamper me, and who is Maris?
MJ: Man, we are going to have some phat endorsements knocking at the door. This could be bigger than CEO Jordan or Space Jam.
Barry: Yeah, you used to wear real bagging clothes and brash jewelry. They wouldn’t let you endorse anything unless you…
MJ: Well, Barry I got to run. I have to sell my share in the Wizards and Capitals before I can build on my legend. Just thought I’d let you know the spotlight won’t be around long.
Barry: Thanks for the heads up.
MJ: I know. I’m back for the love of myself.
Barry and Michael are two of the greatest athletes ever to play. What they have done on the field and on the court will not be duplicated for some time. It’s too bad they fell in love with that.
Travis Sawchik is a senior in journalism. He can be reached at [email protected].
