The extravagantly excessive production design of “Thir13en Ghosts” cannot make up for the weak acting and clichéd horror movie plot of the 1960 remake of William Castle’s “13 Ghosts.” Though the latest version is viciously gory, thoroughly revolting and suspenseful, it is an incredibly cheesy and predictable movie.
Arthur Kriticos, a recently widowed teacher (Tony Shalhoub) and his two children (Shannon Elizabeth and Alec Roberts) inherit a ghastly glass mansion belonging to their wealthy distant Uncle Cyrus (F. Murray Abraham). Unbeknownst to them, Cyrus collected and trapped ghosts in the basement of the house behind sound-proof and unbreakable glass walls engraved with Latin spells to deter them. The ghosts cannot be seen with the naked eye, but the characters have magic glasses which allow them to see these spirits.
The family, along with their live-in maid, Maggie (Rah Digga), Cyrus’ former assistant, Rafkin (Matthew Lillard) and ghost expert, Kalina (Embeth Davidtz) become trapped within the house, allowing the walls to shift. Once these walls begin to move, the machine would release another one of the ghosts, thus forcing them to defend themselves against the evil spirits.
First-time director Steve Beck has vision and creativity, as noted from his work on visual effects in “The Hunt for Red October” (1990) and “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” (1989). However, he lacks the skills needed to lead the poorly-trained cast.
The cast offered little to go by – as now anyone can become an actor just by screaming. F. Murray Abraham (“Finding Forrester”) thoroughly overacted in his performance of the diabolical uncle, while Embeth Davidtz (“Schindler’s List”), could have done a more convincing job as the ghost huntress version of Sigourney Weaver’s Ripley in “Aliens.” Alec Roberts’ (“Traffic”) portrayal of the young son was painful to watch as he proved to be another obnoxious child star.
I especially felt uncomfortable with Rah Digga’s (“Carmen: A Hip Hopera”) performance as the family’s maid. It seemed as though she was endorsing the wisecracking African-American comic relief stereotype, especially in her comment about being trapped with “crazy white people.”
But, the worst acting would have to go to Shannon Elizabeth (“Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back”) for her untalented performance and uncomfortable stage presence.
Tony Shalhoub (“Spy Kids”) actually played a convincing role as the widower that was trying to save his children and Matthew Lillard (“Scream”) was charismatic and energetic in his off-beat role as a psychic ghost-catcher.
The costumes and makeup were outstanding and gruesome, yet the cinematography and visual effects were bland and over-used. The effects offered only glimmers of excitement when the adjusted camera speeds focused on the ghosts from the eyes of one wearing the magic glasses.
The ingenuity involved in creating the 13 monstrously maimed ghosts; The Withered Lover, the Juggernaut, the Hammer, Damon, the Great Child, the Angry Princess, the Bound Woman, the Torn Prince, the Pilgrimess, the Dire Mother, the First Born Son, the Torso and the Jackal, proved to be extremely difficult tasks in generating the creepy characters.
“Thir13en Ghosts” does deliver some visual scares and frights, despite the predictable plot. But at this point, what cookie-cutter thriller’s story isn’t weak? “Thir13en Ghosts” opens in theaters today.
