For as much as I complain that working here at The Lantern takes away from the rest of my life, I must say, I really do love my job. Not only do I get free promotional items sent to me every day, but I also get the added benefit of people reading something in which I invested so much of my time and energy.

The only downside — I just can’t enjoy movies in the same way anymore.

As the former Lantern film critic, I wrote numerous movie reviews, ranging from praising the eccentric, dark comedy “No Man’s Land” to trashing the derivative, let’s-cash-in-on-“The Mummy’s”-success “The Scorpion King.”

Now that I’ve moved on, I am still infected with the overwhelming desire to continue critiquing every movie I see. I actually managed to make it the Drexel in Grandview Friday for a screening of “Far From Heaven,” and although I had assigned current critic Jordan Gentile to review the film for publication, I just had to take notes on the subversive world underlying the ’50s “Leave it to Beaver” exterior of the film.

So instead of fighting it, I’ll submit to this desire and let you know what goes through the head of a critic while watching a film.

First, everyone has to arm themselves with the tools of the trade — a small pad to take notes on, a pen light for writing during those dark scenes and a working knowledge of film history. It may sound stupid, but no one should try to review a time-jumping film like “Go,” where the three storylines branch out from one key scene, without first seeing director Akira Kurosawa’s “Rashomon,” the epitome of this style where one event is told by four people with four opposing stories.

Perhaps the most important element of a film is also the starting element of every film — a good screenplay. This is going to be what really makes or breaks the film, as a bad film can be considered great if its well written and vice versa.

The writer who bests understands this is Kevin Smith, author (as well as director) of “Clerks,” “Chasing Amy” and “Dogma.” His worst film, “Mallrats” — the one always left off a short list of his films — is saved only by Smith’s smart writing. The collection of “actors” in the film, including a former resident of infamous zip code 90210 as well as a John Ritter housemate, do little to advance the story. Instead, the film relies on Smith’s witty and sometimes vulgar style to turn it into a cult favorite.

The other important element of any film is its visual style — in other words, how the film is shot. Although Smith has never been a gifted director (his work consists of a bunch of straight-on shots without any sense of excitement), his minimalist style works for his story.

On the flip side is “Far From Heaven,” a film meant to look like it popped right out of the ’50s. Everything in between the opening and closing credits are straight out of an idealized version of that decade, rivaled in style only by the Tobey Maguire sleeper “Pleasantville.” Even the credits themselves pop out as if from a film starring Marlon Brando.

Trust me when I say, being a critic isn’t easy. Even after watching the film and talking all of those notes, the jobs not over yet. Typically, the press screenings and preview films are shown during the middle of the week, offering only a one-day turnaround on any given review. That may seem like plenty of time, but when 30,000 people read the review in print, the review has to be the best.

Although most people don’t really let reviews affect them — I never managed to dissuade people from seeing “Blue Crush” after all — I don’t think people realize how much effort it really takes to be a good film critic. Just be warned, once criticism gets into the system, it’s there to stay.

Todd LaPlace is a junior in journalism and The Lantern arts editor. He can be praised as the best Lantern film critic (just kidding, Jordan) at [email protected].