Blame it on testosterone and the stereotypical male territorialism that comes with it, but having someone literally steal the seat you sit in during class can be an act of outright war. Smaller nations have been known to attack each other for the mere suggestion of placing their book bag in the other’s chair.
By now everyone has stumbled to their classes or have at least looked up their schedules and decided what lectures to skip. With school starting up comes the question: Where do you sit for class? What is going to cushion your best asset (pun intended)?
It sounds sophomoric to say I am territorial of where I sit in class. If it wasn’t for the pesky thought of being arrested for public exposure and the obvious turn off it would be to everyone around me, I’d probably mark my seats with a little dose of yellow H2O. .
Even if people don’t have a seat in which they sit regularly they probably have an area in which they sit they sit. Think of it as a region of comfort, a little reminder of the pizza-saucess-stained Lay-Z-Boy sitting in an apartment somewhere.
Personally I prefer the front of the classroom, an area that usually lands me the label of being studious or blind. Seeing as I am neither blind or studious I sit up front because it’s fun to see how the professor or T.A. will react to strange comments and the ever-present sounds effects I’ve made as they pace back and forth. Nothing beats humming the same theme song each day as a professor walks into class.
Of course depending on whether or not you like the professor or not, these theme songs can range from Stars Wars’ “Imperial March” to Ace of Bases’ “All that she wants.”
Like a high school lunchroom, there is a tendency for people to sit in the same area. This, I believe, is a way to make friends and gain a sense of comfort. However this isn’t always true. There are people out there, the ones who purposely throw off the balance of the academic universe. People whose yen is slightly bigger than their yang. I’d like to call these people homewreckers, but because this name has, already been taken – lets settle for Winona Ryder.
I’ll have to admit that at one point in my time here at Ohio State, I became tragically involved with Winona Ryder. I was the guy who threw off the entire class during the fourth week of school because I decided to move seats so I could sit next to a girl.
Before you think anything, cut me a break,. I was young and drunk on hormones. Either way, for the next six weeks I was in a constant war of wits with the chair’s previous occupant. This meant was I would have to strap on my Radio Flyers and run to class, like a very slow, out of shape Kenyan marathon runner. If I failed I was banished to the back of the room.
But if I won?
If I won, my not-so-true love was rewarded with flirtatious huffing and puffing as I tried to catch my breath. When I look back on this I realized my strategy worked about as well as Vin Diesel playing the Scarecrow in an off-off-Broadway version of “The Wizard of Oz.” I should have staked my claim the second day of class and then moved in, but, hey isn’t that what being an undergraduate is all about? That is, finding out you’re still dumb enough to get excited about a girl that’s never spoken to you.
So take it from a reformed Winona Ryder: pick a seat and stay there. Nothing good can come from walking those 10 feet across the room and sitting in a new seat. Sure you might feel better, but is it worth throwing off the Feng Shui or having a classmate make a voodoo doll of you?
If I attended class I would have a regular seat, but because I work for The Lantern you’ll probably never see me. David J. Cross can be reached at [email protected].
