Fashion, these days, is in a sad state. Many of it’s current staples are in dire need of retirement.
The dancer look needs to be put out to pasture. We’re not professional dancers. Why should we dress like them? Please, put the leg warmers away and stop ripping up sweatshirts.
The cowboy boots are past due as well. Not even when sporting tucked-in jeans and a cowboy hat will anyone ever look like they’re about to go ranching.
But there is one fashion trend that still hasn’t faded and desperately needs to: the emo look.
Emo is slang for emotional, and is used to describe a wide range of fashion styles and attitudes affiliated with indie and emo rock. It started in the ’80s and emerged from the underground scene into popular culture in the ’90s. And more than halfway through this decade, it’s still flourishing.
The emo look is supposed to signify individuality, a seperateness from the crowd. Yeah, OK, maybe if being different means looking exactly alike.
Walking around campus, I can easily spot boys participating in this trend. They are usually seen in girl jeans, with a bandana sticking out of a back pocket and a super-tight hoodie. Boys who wear these pants must thinnk they’re showing off their figure, but all this look reveals is possible anorexia.
Boys, if you really want to show off your body, take up a job performing at bachelorette parties. But if you’re doing it to show a girl what you have in your pants, you’re a desperate pervert.
Shit hits the fan when a girl shows up to a party and another girl is wearing the exact same thing as her. But imagine if a girl showed up to a party and a boy is not only wearing the same thing as her, but in a smaller size. This is not a pretty sight.
There is a reason boys’ jeans aren’t made as tight as girls’ jeans: anatomy. Girls’ jeans hug the hips and the front of the body. Boys wearing these jeans cannot possible be comfortable, even if in tighty-whities.
Besides, won’t this jeopardize their chances of reproducing later in life?
If you long to act emo, there are several drastic lifestyle changes you shoud make:
•You must own at least five different guitars, and carry them around constantly – pausing only to jot down lyrics.
•Some emo kids are associated with self-mutilation. The only reason I can fathom for this kind of masochism is angst over ill-fitting jeans.
•Many emo kids have extremely thin figures. Veganism helps this. Smoking is a must – the cigarettes will aid the skeletal look.
•Go to every concert possible.
•Add some geeky Buddy Holly glasses and beat-up Converse shoes to your wardrobe. These are emo must-haves. The name of an emo soul mate scribbled all over black Chuck Taylors is good for an ‘original’ look.
•Don’t shower for a week, to get that greasy-hair look. An emo kid’s hair should be jet black and unkempt. Slant the bangs at a 45 degree angle, covering the right eye. This dramatic impression adds to the teen-angst vibes you should be giving off.
•And to top the look off, emo kids must have a sleeve tattoo of nautical stars, the devil and a tribal armband. Throw in at least two lip rings for good measure. This shows that, as an emo kid, you have not only internal, but external toughness.
Now that I’ve explained how to be emo, boys, don’t. The trend is currently having its 15 minutes of fame, but it will soon be over. Get out while the chance is ripe.
Amanda Dolasinski is a pre-journalism major and can be reached for comment at [email protected].
