Global warming fanatics have found their calling. No, they’re not going home. They’re “going green.”

National Green Week, sponsored by the Green Education Foundation, begins Feb. 1. The GEF is hosting programs across the United States to “educate” youngsters to “become environmental stewards.”

The foundation provides a year-round classroom curriculum, but they go the extra green mile the first week of February, with added initiatives and activities.

One initiative includes having students pack their lunches and drinks in reusable containers throughout the week. Hopefully they are also encouraged to wash those containers to avoid inevitable dirt and grime. Stay away from the chemicals under the sink though; they are bad for the environment.

They will also be taught to audit their classrooms and homes to spot energy leaks, since even energy tries to avoid these people.

More information is available on the GEF Web site. Some of it, to be honest, is quite useful.

For example, one tidbit says there is an island of garbage larger than Texas floating in the ocean. Someone should inform the polar bears of this finding. That way they can have temporary housing when their homes are foreclosed due to the “warming crisis.”

Likewise, if these floating garbage heaps give polar bears refuge, then why would anyone want to eliminate them? That would be as crazy as taking the United States away from illegal immigrants.

The fun continues March 27 with the third annual Earth Hour. People all around the world are encouraged to turn their lights off for one hour, beginning at 8:30 p.m. If you choose to participate, be sure to turn your lights back on at 9:30 and not a minute later; otherwise it can no longer be called “Earth Hour.”

These are not the only examples of groups pushing crazy save-the-earth agendas, however. USA Today has a link on its Web site for people to send pictures of them “going green.”

The “gallery,” as the paper calls it, has existed for nearly 10 months and features a grand total of two pictures. The most widely circulated newspaper in the United States has a green gallery consisting of two whole pictures. Stop the presses.

Of course, individuals deserve the freedom to do as they please. People have every right to carry reusable grocery bags, drive two-seat wheelchairs down busy interstates and pretend they are making a difference. But expecting everyone to fall hook, line and sinker for this cult-like delusion is more extreme than the movement itself.

All of that being said, even I cannot entirely resist the urge to save the planet. I turn out my bedroom lights before going to sleep, shut off the water after showering and flush the toilet only after using it.

Nonetheless, I will not be participating in these earth-saving events. Call me the Non-Green Lantern writer, but I refuse to be left in the dark.