Shannon Jarrott (middle right) and her daughter, Molly Teller (middle left), alongside their family during Teller’s graduation from Ohio State this May. Credit: Shannon Jarrott
With the shutting of a car trunk and the unpacking of a box, parents go from leading brimming households to occupying empty nests in what may feel like a matter of moments.
The term “empty nester,” used to describe parents whose children have grown up and left home, is one many Ohio State parents may find themselves relating to since dropping their kids off at college. But Shannon Jarrott, an Ohio State professor of social work, said not all empty nesters cope with their newfound situation in the same way, and scientific evidence suggests a parent’s sense of identity plays a large role in this distinction.
“If a parent is enmeshed with the child in a way that all of their social ties and all of their free time and leisure is connected to activities that were involved with the child, that means they may have a harder time dealing with that separation,” Jarrott said.
Jarrott, a trained gerontologist — or specialist in adult development and aging — said on the other hand, parents who have maintained an identity separate from their child when they lived at home should have an easier adjustment. Nevertheless, she said it’s common for most parents to feel a complex range of emotions with their children’s departure.
“You can have both positive feelings and responses to launching your child out of the nest and still have moments where you feel like you’re at a loss of what to do,” Jarrott said.
Eugene Folden, an associate professor in the Department of Human Sciences, agreed with Jarrott that there is a widely held misconception about the severity of “empty nester syndrome,” largely due to outdated research conducted during a time when women’s primary role was motherhood.
“There’s probably some validity to that original research, but obviously since then things have changed dramatically,” Folden said. “I think women in the past 20 years to the present, really, it’s not that motherhood is not an important role for them, but it’s one of several.”
Folden said this doesn’t invalidate the grief parents endure when their children leave the nest, as modern-day research still shows this season of their lives to be a painful transition.
“I do think the empty nest syndrome is by and large a mythology, but I don’t think we should discount the fact that parents love their children, and find that empty nest sad for a while,” Folden said.
Jarrott, mother to a recent Ohio State graduate, said her own experience has further proven to her the importance of individual families establishing boundaries between parents and children.
“There are some things that a child and their parents can talk about with regards to safety of the child, and to acknowledge that the concerns parents have could be well founded,” Jarrott said.
Beyond establishing healthy barriers between parents and children, Folden said he advises empty nesters to redirect their time toward activities like practicing self-care, reconnecting with their partner, focusing energy on new friendships and going on vacation for a change of scenery. Namely, Folden said parents should get to know their kids as adults.
“These are always going to be your children, of course they are, but now trying to reconnect [with] them as adults who have opinions and who have drives of their own, have their own motivations,” Folden said.
Though neither Jarrott nor Folden had specific data on the dynamics of the empty nester period as a single parent, Jarrott said she would anticipate a likely similar situation.
“Single parents, hopefully, have still got sources of social support,” Jarrott said. “Single parents might be dating, they might be partnered, even if they are not married. And so it’s important to realize that they’ve got social ties as well that they’re able to reinvest in.”
Ultimately, Folden said the stereotype surrounding empty nesters is evolving to reflect more accurately what parents experience: not a depressive syndrome, but a bittersweet period.
“Parents and children are now creating new connections, new ways to be children and parents,” Folden said. “And I think that is the key successful element of moving into that empty nest period. So we don’t call it the syndrome anymore, we call it the period.”
