Credit: Abby Fricke | Managing Editor for Design
Carnivore goes vegan: Exploring a Clintonville deli’s meatless menu
When it comes to vegan grub, I do not claim to be a connoisseur. However, after an inundation of recommendations for Clintonville’s Seitan’s Realm, I finally bit.
Into the “Buffy Mac” sandwich, that is.
Slightly pricey at $12, the sandwich — which combines a “seitan chikun patty,” housemade buffalo sauce, ranch, pickles and “mac n cheeze” stuffed between a fluffy pretzel bun — did have me convinced I was eating the real deal.
Located at 3496 N. High St., the family-owned spot uses seitan, a gluten-based meat substitute it makes from scratch daily, in place of chicken, beef and other meats, according to the deli’s website.
Now, back to the sandwich. As a self-proclaimed buffalo sauce enthusiast, I was eager to chow down. To my delight, the sauce’s heat balanced out the creamy mac, whose plant-based identity could have fooled me. The “chikun patty” was a desirable balance of crispy on the outside and juicy on the inside, leaving me wanting more with every mouthful.
The cherry on top was the airy and delicate pretzel bun, which easily took first place as my favorite bite of the day. Add in the tangy pickles and velvety ranch, and you’ve got a taste of heaven.
The deli’s decorations, on the other hand, were more akin to hell. With an ambience curated to play off its name, I found myself surrounded by devil-inspired masks, horror movie posters and even a Michael Myers cardboard cutout.
For those with gluten sensitivities, however, I would advise against Seitan’s Realm. Not only is its seitan meat substitute made entirely of wheat, but most of its naturally vegan options — like the “seasoned curly fries” or “baked potato salad” — likewise contain the allergen.
For those who can indulge, don’t be fooled by the curly fries’ $5 price tag; despite my expectation of a measly side portion because of the affordable cost, I was given an immense helping of perfectly seasoned bites of goodness.
Slightly spicy and fried to perfection, the curly fries were perfect on their own but made even better with a side of housemade “chedduh” sauce, reminiscent of your favorite fast food cheese dip.
My trip was not complete without a bite of breakfast though. I tried out “El Hefe,” a 12-inch breakfast burrito packed with savory flavor.
Filled with fried potatoes, tofu scramble, salsa, onions, green peppers and homemade “sawsage,” the burrito was quite salsa-heavy. However, the tofu scramble — the burrito’s egg substitute — worked well with the “sawsage,” and screamed traditional, greasy diner meal. At the time of publication, the deli’s breakfast menu is only available on weekends.
The most shocking dish was the breakfast bowl, which stood out from the rest due to one ingredient: the sunny-side up “Yo Egg.” Unlike the scrambled egg-reminiscent tofu scramble, this egg looked, smelled and, for the most part, tasted like a real, slightly runny, sunny-side-up egg.
Though I could definitely tell the difference between this version of an egg and the real thing, I can confidently say seasoned vegans missing their daily egg fix would enjoy this version.
Overall, Seitan’s Realm’s multitude of menu items appeals to a wide variety of customers; as a meat eater personally swayed by the delicious grub, I can easily say the eccentric spot has met its mission — as stated on its website — of “offering quality vegan food to the masses.”
Rating: 4/5
