Rachel Lehman, a first-generation second-year student, with her mother. Credit: Courtesy of Rachel Lehman
Navigating college can be a nerve-racking and stressful process for students, and first-generation students are no exception. However, for first-generation students — as the first in their families to attend university — the college experience is uncharted territory that extends to their parents as well.
Though parents of first-generation students may not have attended college themselves, some of Ohio State’s first-generation students have provided recommendations for ways parents can support their children as they navigate the next four years.
Listen
Parents of first-generation students may not fully understand the daily functions and experiences of college life. To bridge this gap, Nalani Ascencio-Hessler — a second-year in marketing — said it is imperative that parents listen to their children’s pressing thoughts and concerns.
“Listen to what your child has to say, even if they can’t put what’s in their mind into the proper wording,” Ascencio-Hessler said. “Make sure that they know you’re there to support them.”
While listening to students, first-generation parents should keep an open mind and make the effort to genuinely understand their students’ perspective. Rachel Lehman, a second-year in public health and sociology, said it is not only important to hear students out, but to also take the extra step to empathize with their experiences so they feel understood.
“Be open to having those conversations,” Lehman said. “If your kid is coming to you saying they’re stressed, don’t try to dismiss it or make it about [you]. Just listen and be comforting towards them.”
Offer reassurance and support
When college life grows overwhelming, many students crave reassurance or comfort. Parents can offer this by checking in with their students and making sure they are staying physically and mentally healthy, thereby serving as a pillar of support, Lehman said.
“Acknowledge that college is difficult, especially during midterms and finals,” Lehman said. “Encourage kids [and say] you’re proud of them for being there.”
Anthony Bokar, a second-year in integrated social studies education, said parents should not underestimate how much students rely on their parents’ support, even when they are living independently.
“My parents are my biggest outlet,” Bokar said. “They’ve been my biggest outlet and will continue to be my biggest outlet.”
Limit the pressure
Numerous new pressures accompany the transition to college, whether they are social, academic or emotional in nature.
“Whether or not you’re a first-gen student, we are all under some sort of pressure once we say goodbye to high school,” Ascencio-Hessler said. “We are expected to know what we want in life.”
Dima Alhaek, a first-year in radiological studies and therapy, said the last thing that students need is increased external pressure from their families. Instead, Alhaek said serving as a support system to alleviate pre-existing pressures is a helpful step parents of first-generation students can take.
“Don’t put too much pressure on your child that’s in college, especially if no one else in your family has gone to college,” Alhaek said. “They are experiencing something that a lot of people that are close to them can’t relate to because they haven’t experienced it.”
Know the limits and help find other resources
Beyond the pressures that students face, parents of first-generation students may carry the weight of not having all the answers.
“Parents might feel discouraged when they don’t have all the answers, but at the end of the day, it’s unrealistic for everyone to have the answers,” Lehman said.
In situations where parents are unable to help their first-generation students, it can be beneficial for them to help their children research resources that can provide specialized assistance.
Ohio State offers several programs specifically tailored to first-generation students. Buckeyes First, the designated office for first-generation support and resources, connects students and parents alike with aid and other first-generation students on campus.
“Get in touch with other first-gens,” Bokar said. “We all have shared experiences, and even though we may not have the same experience, we can still relate and understand through storytelling and reflecting.”
The university also offers resources in other areas that students may benefit from, including tutoring services and health and wellness coaching.
Understand the difference between high school and college
It can be easy to assume that university life — academically and socially — is similar to high school, but Alhaek said the differences far outweigh the similarities.
“My parents thought college was a lot like high school, where everyone takes the same classes at the same time on a strict schedule,” Alhaek said.
Bokar said most students experience more flexibility in their schedules in college compared to high school, which can be an opportunity for them to explore their passions and form new experiences.
“It’s not like high school,” Bokar said. “It’s not like you go to class at 7:30 [a.m.], get out at 2:30 [p.m.], go to sports and extracurriculars, come home, do homework, eat dinner, shower and go to sleep. Each day is different.”
Embrace the transition
The transition between high school and college can be difficult, and often takes some trial and error for students and parents to perfect. Ascencio-Hessler said it is important to give students grace and offer them support as they navigate this unfamiliarity.
Alhaek agreed and said there are some learning curves when students transition from high school to college, especially when they are entering an unknown experience. This change can serve as a period of growth and self-exploration for both the students and the parents.
“Be more understanding,” Alhaek said. “High school was definitely a lot easier and I was able to juggle a lot of things during high school, but [my parents] still have that same expectation for me during college.”
Overall, navigating college can be challenging for first-generation students and their parents, but by listening, offering reassurance and support, limiting pressure, knowing their limits and understanding the differences between high school and college, parents can play a crucial role in their children’s success.
“I want my parents to know that I am trying my best to make them proud, and I am trying my best to become somebody for them,” Ascencio-Hessler said.
