After Graig Cote found out he was HIV positive, he walked to work and told a friend, “I don’t want to die.”
But Cote has lived to tell his story, and his work as a speaker has earned him state and local awards.
Cote, 49, a lecturer at Ohio State who also coaches volleyball at Thomas Worthington High School, said there were things he didn’t understand about the virus when he learned he had it. All he knew was there was a good chance he could die.
Many of Cote’s friends had died from the virus.
“Everybody that I knew my freshman year, they’re all dead,” Cote said. “I’ve probably lost a couple hundred people that I knew here or there. For 10 years, I had nobody to say, ‘Remember when we did things?'”
Cote attended OSU and studied psychology and now teaches an HIV and AIDS awareness course on Wednesdays at OSU. He was born in Orlando, Fla., but has lived in Ohio most of his life. He moved to San Francisco about 20 years ago because he didn’t want to tell his family he was HIV positive.
“I had no intentions of ever telling them,” Cote said.
Eric Duff, 46, was in the room when Cote informed his family.
“It was a relief that he finally told his family,” Duff said. “I think they already knew that something was wrong. They could see his health declining. He had a lot of facial wasting. You could see the bone structure.”
Cote’s family members embraced him when he told them, but they were still concerned.
“I think I fell on the bed,” Cote’s mother, Beverly, said. “I told him he’d better get right with the Lord. It’s like a death sentence.”
Some who found out that Cote had the virus told his family that he was an embarrassment, that he should “just die.”
“Not everyone was accepting,” Cote said. “One girl said she couldn’t be around me.”
Cote’s mother said the loss of so many friends has encouraged him to be active in raising awareness about the disease.
“I think maybe that’s what caused him to take the route he’s taking,” his mother said. “He knows what he wants to do. He’s on a mission.”
At one point, Cote dropped from 185 pounds to 125 pounds in one month. In 1995, he was taking 42 pills a day and feeling effects from both the HIV and the medication. He said that was his lowest point.
“I was always in pain and hurting,” Cote said. “The medicine keeps HIV under control but does affect me more than the HIV does.”
Despite Cote’s condition, he has been active in the HIV and AIDS awareness movement, winning multiple public speaking awards.
“I feel like I’m a better person after knowing Graig,” said Tre’Vera Green-Anderson, 28, Cote’s friend. “He’s not a selfish person at all.”
Duff said Cote has had a positive effect on him in the 21 years they have known each other.
“Just getting to know him and seeing all the positive work that he’s doing is really inspiring,” Duff said.
Lo-Shen Chen, a fourth-year in the OSU College of Dentistry, is a student in Cote’s HIV and AIDS awareness class. He said he enjoys the class and the sense of humor Cote brings to such a weighty subject.
“Class has been great,” Chen said. “It’s very entertaining. He’s very funny. I feel like he’s the perfect guy for this class.”
Cote’s experiences since June 15, 1986 — the day he was told he had HIV — have shaped who he is today.
“I’m a totally different person,” Cote said. “I’m not angry. I’m not bitter. I look at life in a different perspective because I’ve been given another opportunity. I don’t have time to be bitter.”
To those dealing with the virus, Cote said, “Take a deep breath. Deal with the virus on your own time.”
