I don’t think it’s too presumptuous of me to assume that most guys out there are still interested in what’s between a woman’s ears, not what’s between her legs. However, talk-show trash may very well prove otherwise.Sitting down for my daily dose of breakfast entertainment last week the recurring theme of “Women Who Dress Too Sexy/I Wanna Be a Stripper” – or some ugly variation – grabbed my attention and made my hand refrain from turning away. The feminist inside of me said, “be appalled.” Regardless, the me inside of me said, “go ahead, get a good laugh.” Thus, I watched.Although I gazed in amazement (despite having seen it before), the comedic value made it all worthwhile. And in the midst of watching these women attempt to titillate their audience and strut their stuffs, on the catwalk of banality, I began having serious thoughts about the implications of what I was watching.Who are these women? Why are they doing this? Do any of them attend OSU?But as I continued watching, both in ridicule and disdain, I think I may have stumbled upon someone to blame: patriarchy. Yes, I, a male am criticizing my own species. For if men did not provide relentless positive reinforcement of scandalous dressing, less women would buy into the social norm that such behavior is innate and always good.Aaaah, but I shall attempt to shed just a little ray of light into this dark world of sexual manipulation. You see, this is about what sexy is and what sexy ain’t. What Sexy Is:Sexy is being able to form a complete and coherent sentence. I would hardly consider “uh, like, uh, ya know” scrumptious conversation tidbits.Sexy is the ability for a woman to stand up for herself and be an individual; not swayed by “everyone else is doing it” pressures. If it’s status quo, “you got’s to go.”Sexy is having the ability to talk a lot and actually say something meaningful, something with substance. Contrary to popular belief, ignorance is not bliss and a woman that showcases an extensive vocabulary is a far more valuable commodity than Suzy big ‘uns showcasing her 40 E-E-E’s.What Sexy Ain’t:I hate to disappoint some people, but being sexy does not mean you show off every nook and cranny of your body when the weather breaks or at social engagements. If I wanted to see breasts and thighs before class I would order KFC. Sexy ain’t about looking good. Unfortunately, standards of beauty are rigged, false images. An ethical downside of technology, the women we see who are considered “sex symbols” aren’t even real people. Hey, with a little computer enhancement even I could compete with Tyson (as in the super model, not the chicken).Sexy ain’t looking like everyone else, dressing like everyone else and being quiescent about disagreeing with societal definitions of “normal” and “good.” I hate to be so blunt, but it takes balls to dare to be different. Different is quite refreshing (and much appreciated).Bottom line: Pop-culture tells you one thing about what guys are looking for. It says that most guys want devastating good looks (based on “traditional” definitions of beauty), a pushover, a girl or woman who will bare as little clothing and as much skin as possible. Some may even suggest that women are portrayed as shallow, obsessed with money/shopping and are materialistic.But I’m giving you the real deal. And as I said before, I don’t think I’m being too presumptuous to assume that a lot of guys… no, no, no, I would even go so far as to say most guys out there care more about what a woman has between her ears than what she has between her legs. Well, the one’s that aren’t on talk-shows anyway.

Michael A. Norman would like all moderately annoyed, overcritical English aficionados to know that his dangling modifiers are intentional and for creative effect. He may be reached at [email protected]. His columns appear on Wednesdays in the Lantern.