In case you haven’t heard, Henry John Deutschendorf Jr. died Sunday when his private, experimental plane crashed into Monterey Bay off California’s coast. You’re probably more familiar with Deutschendorf’s stage name, John Denver. Yet in Roswell, New Mexico, Denver’s birthplace, he will always be affectionately remembered as Henry John Deutschendorf Jr. Until the Chamber of Commerce gets a hold of it, that is. Roswell has once again made front page news; this time in a much less conspicuous way. Unless you are completely out of touch with pop culture, or you are oblivious to all news media, then you are aware of recent attention brought to the community by the 50th anniversary of an alleged UFO crash outside of town. A four-day celebration attracted fifty thousand visitors and a world of media to the desert town for what turned out to be a Close Encounter of the reality kind. It was a cosmic flea market. Oh yeah, UFO cookies, alien lollipops, hokey photos of hubcaps and streetlights, alien abduction insurance, $50 campsites at “the crash site,” testimonials on tape, physicists’ analyses of corn circles, T-shirts, more T-shirts, and hand (three fingers and a thumb) crafted alien jewelry. What a scheme.The truth of the matter is, Roswell has struggled economically in recent years. The Air Force base closed down in 1967. The oil went dry in the mid ’80’s. All that remains are dairies, pecan orchards, and some unsolvable mystery about a UFO crash that happened in 1947. It’s amazing how creative people become when they’re desperate. City officials decided to use the mystique of the “Roswell Incident” in an attempt to bring more tourism and attention to the area. This resulted in Roswell being crowned the UFO capital of the world. Why not? Reynoldsburg is the “Birthplace of the Tomato.” What’s next for Roswell? For starters, I encourage city officials to beat Vail, Colorado to the punch by establishing the International John Denver Museum and Research Center, dedicated to solving the mystery surrounding his tragic death. An abandoned shop in Roswell’s downtown district could easily be converted into a museum housing pictures of Denver, pertinent memorabilia, and newspaper clippings. Denver’s Roswell home could be restored to the condition it was in when he lived there. Like Paul Revere’s house in Boston, a plaque outside would read, “John Denver’s first home. A cultural landmark and a national treasure,” or something to that effect. Why stop with John Denver? Demi Moore, Nancy Lopez, and Greg Gibbs all grew up in Roswell. Why not celebrate all three and collect three times the revenue?The International Demi Moore Museum and Research Center would be dedicated to uncovering the mystery of how fatty tissue from Demi’s thighs and buttocks mysteriously disappeared, only to turn up in her lips and breasts. The museum would house a nude picture gallery, an archive of report cards and drug rehab information, and a theater screening such classics as Striptease and G.I. Jane. The town could plan anniversary celebrations around any one of her numerous achievements, even her marriage to Bruce Willis.The International Nancy Lopez Museum and Research Center would feature clinics on dealing with an obnoxious and seemingly unlikable husband (Ray Knight). A special wing of the museum, dedicated to Nancy’s good friend, Marge Schott, would house art works created by minorities from around the United States. Nancy’s a good mother so I can’t really dog her too much. Greg Gibbs is me and he doesn’t deserve a museum yet.Along with the three museums, a Hollywood-type bus tour of the stars homes could be organized. Tour stops could also include Sam Donaldson’s dorm room at the New Mexico Military Institute, and the gas station where Quiet Riot stopped on there way through town in 1986. T-shirts, postcards, Polaroid shots with cardboard cutouts, and wood engravings would be available at each stop… So, if you’re a big John Denver Fan and need a place to go for a vacation this year, skip Gatlinburg and try Roswell.
Greg Gibbs grew up in Roswell and has been appointed to the Committee to Capitalize on John Denver’s Tragic Death.
